It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
