I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can't special order awesome
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
