Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
