I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
