did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
