I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
