dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize