yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
