Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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