Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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