her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize