nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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