I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
