based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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