my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
