I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
