I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
