i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
