You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
