there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
