if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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