Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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