i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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