I faked an abortion last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
