i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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