so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
