Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
