My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
