Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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