did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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