I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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