you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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