Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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