Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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