i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize