Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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