Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
