I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
