Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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