If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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