dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
