They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
