Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
