would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
