I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
