We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
