susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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