note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
third nipple confirmed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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