If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
