My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
