You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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