i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
