So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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