I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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