so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
