how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
