wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
