I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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