On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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