Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
