I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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