1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
