i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
