we're chasing vodka with high fives
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
