Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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