I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm always down for nudity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
