i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
