it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pants are for mortals
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
